


fall asleep. i will still be here.

by ritsukumas



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, Mao comforts Ritsu, Not Beta Read, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:27:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28091649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ritsukumas/pseuds/ritsukumas
Summary: Sometimes Ritsu's thoughts get the better of him...
Relationships: Isara Mao/Sakuma Ritsu
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	fall asleep. i will still be here.

**Author's Note:**

> this is not the only maoritsus nor ritsu fic i have in the works nor my best written but hey! it's here :] i hope you enjoy!

“If I died, Maakun, what will you do?” Ritsu mused gently, leaning his head against his boyfriend’s shoulder as they watched the film. The redhead shifted uncomfortably at that, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly with his free hand (the other was wrapped around Ritsu, gently touching his shoulder). If Ritsu died? He would probably lose it. He wouldn’t know how to even react or function. He didn’t want to sound overdramatic or clingy, but Ritsu disappearing from his life was a life barely worth living in the first place. 

His fingers tightened slightly, wrapping around Ritsu as if he was going to fade at any moment. The very thought of Ritsu no longer being with him made his heart ache, and he didn’t even want to humour the idea. 

The way the other brought it up was a bit unnerving as well. No build-up or anything, just out of the blue. Usually, he would give some warning, but maybe it was just because of the film they were watching. A lover dying in the arms of the other, and grief overtaking the protagonist entirely. It was nothing like his usual tastes, nor was Ritsu the biggest fan of dramas, but they both had agreed to try something different, and this was what was mutually agreed upon with the recommendation of, surprisingly, Eichi. He supposed the former president had a relative knowledge of movies considering how long he had to stay and heal up whenever he had episodes (or the force of Wataru to watch said drama films with him, according to Hokuto often complaining about how much he quoted them during club). 

Regardless of what, the movie was  _ unsurprisingly _ the least of either’s attention. But he didn’t think that was what Ritsu was thinking about. It wasn’t the first time the other had asked questions like that, considering how anxious he seemed to get when Mao appeared to be drifting away from him (he always apologised for his abandonment issues, but Mao understood and he didn’t mind answering, albeit never explicitly) or just when his mind seemed to be ruling over his thoughts on, particularly slow days. But then again, Ritsu never asked it the same way he had just now. 

It was always in the heat of the moment or in a (concerningly) joking manner, but the way Ritsu avoided eye contact, just staring directly at the screen as he seemed to shrink into Mao’s touch. At that moment, Mao reminded himself that he should probably reassure his boyfriend of how much he loved him and treasured him, question aside. It was definitely alarming though. Ritsu hadn’t seemed depressed lately, and he even mentioned that he had never considered ever going through with something so paralysing to even think about, but it was as if he was predicting his death before it even happened. 

Retracting his arm to move Ritsu slowly into his lap as the other hand moved to pause the movie, both of his hands moved to the other’s waist, but slowly trailed up to make sure the other looked at him. His touch was gentle, as not to scare Ritsu, but he wanted him to meet his gaze. The way his boyfriend looked made him feel like he couldn’t breathe. Why did he seem so distraught? His hands gently cupped Ritsu’s face as he leaned up to lean his forehead against the other’s. 

“Ritchan, I love you,” he whispered gently, “If you died, I don’t know what I would do… are you alright?” Red eyes met his before shifting to glance towards something else, and Mao tapped his cheek gently. “Look at me, Ritsu. What’s wrong?”

At the request, Ritsu looked back. His own hands had been sitting on Mao’s shoulders since he had been moved, but they had slowly been traveling to cover the other’s hands. Ritsu’s hands were always so cold to the touch, but they felt distant when they wrapped around his own. It was scaring him, really, the way Ritsu was acting. He wanted to know what was eating away at the person he loved so much. 

Ritsu had a tendency to stay quiet, as if he was going to bother Mao. He wasn’t ever going to force it out of him, but it did hurt to see when he struggled and suppressed his emotions, even if they were visible in the way he talked or reacted. Sometimes Ritsu would even cry, insistently reassuring Mao he was okay when he took him into his arms. He knew that his boyfriend was taking the time and trying to get better about it (he was quite proud of the progress he made so far), but it didn’t make him any less concerned when Ritsu seemed to burst into tears just staring at him. 

Not a single word left his mouth, and he didn’t need to speak. Mao could tell that it was hard. He didn’t like to see him cry. It made his heart drop and he felt like he was going to cry himself. He just wanted to pull him close and whisper sweet nothings until he would stop, but this felt like much more than Ritsu’s usual outbursts of random emotion. This felt like it was something that had built and built until it all came rushing out. He wanted to know what was wrong. 

Using his thumb to gently wipe the overflow of tears from Ritsu and hushing the gentle sobs that left his mouth after a moment or two of unbearable silence, he just closed his eyes and cried. He cried and cried, and Mao was worried that he wasn’t hydrated enough for how many tears he was shedding. But he never told him to stop. He seemed like he needed a moment just to let it all out, and he wanted Ritsu to be able to release all his pent-up emotions to someone, even if he didn’t do it voluntarily. However, he also didn’t want to be in the middle of the living room in the case that Ritsu passed out after exhausting himself. 

He gently slid his hands away from Ritsu’s face, placing one behind his head as to offer a space for him to cry into his chest. He took the offer up without hesitation, and Mao’s next move was to move his arms around Ritsu to lightly pick him up. And so he did, carrying him as if he was a child with his hands grabbing gently underneath him, supporting his upper body. The other had begun to calm down, not crying as hard as his own arms and legs wrapped around Mao to aid in the movement. It didn’t take too long for them to move into their room thankfully, and he laid Ritsu down in their bed, shifting in next to him.

Pulling the blankets up to cover them both, he noticed how Ritsu hadn’t pulled back yet. It was as if he was hiding his face. He attempted to pry him off, just so he could try to pepper some kisses of affection around his face, but he stayed put. He hoped he wasn’t embarrassed to show his crying face. One: he didn’t mind if Ritsu didn’t think he looked pretty crying. It’s not as if he enjoyed seeing him cry, but he wasn’t particularly an  _ ugly _ crier like he (Ritsu) had once claimed, and two: it was extremely late for a concern like that to occur, considering how much Ritsu had cried to him before from childhood to now. 

“Ritsu… please let me see your face… I won’t leave your side, but I just want to look at you…” he whispered pleadingly, but he didn’t budge. Honestly, he’d rather get up and get a wet washcloth to try to help, but at the same time, he knew that Ritsu wouldn’t appreciate being apart from him even for mere moments. He needed him right now, and he wasn’t going to fail him. Besides, he seemed adamant about keeping Mao where he was regardless of his opinion. 

“...Maakun would be better off without me…” Ritsu finally mustered out, shifting only slightly for him to hear. Better off? Oh, was he having doubts again? It felt like so much more than that, but knowing Ritsu’s mind, it felt like it was the biggest problem in the world. He felt like he was nothing but a burden, baggage, luggage in Mao’s life. “I don’t want Maakun to ever hurt because of  _ me. _ I don’t-“ A sharp inhale, and a broken voice following. “I d- don’t… M- M.. Maakun…” He whimpered, unable to even complete his sentence, but Mao could tell how he was feeling without even needing to hear it. 

Ritsu was **a problem**. Ritsu was **the worse.** Ritsu did nothing but cause Mao **to worry.** Ritsu was **worthless**. He was **unlovable.** He was **_a burden_**. 

But Mao was far from believing the cruel thoughts Ritsu’s brain managed to think for him. It was painful. Such a beautiful heart and soul plagued with irrational fears, but that didn’t matter. That’s just how Ritsu was, and he was here to be there for him. 

He leaned back slightly to slip his hand in between him and Ritsu, tilting his chin up. He couldn’t see Ritsu’s face that well, but his red eyes just seemed to blend in with the stuffy face and puffy red blotches that looked as if they scarred Ritsu’s pale skin. He placed a gentle kiss on the other’s forehead. It felt like he was burning up. 

“Ritsu,” he gently mused, “You mean… so much more than you know. You’re amazing, and you’re the reason that I know love exists. Every single day, you remind me of the little things, and only you could do that.” He shifted to pull Ritsu up a little so he could hold his face, gently rubbing his thumb across Ritsu’s cheek. He had stopped crying again, just quietly sniffling here and there. But he was listening. Mao could tell. “You’re so much more than you give yourself credit for.” 

“No one could replace you, Ritsu, and I don’t want anyone to even try to. They’ll never be you.” A small kiss on the nose in reassurance. “You’re the only person I could ever want or need in my life. I bet you think I deserve so much better than you, but you don’t realise that there isn’t anyone better than you. You’re the perfect you that you can be, and that’s  _ more _ than enough. I want you, and you alone.” 

Ritsu’s gaze had since dropped from meeting Mao’s eyes, but that was okay. The slight tremble of his lips, the small but noticeable grip on Mao tightening, and the way his breath hesitated. He was processing it. He was taking a moment to really take it in. Mao was okay with waiting. He never minded waiting on Ritsu, even if he sounded annoyed. Sure, sometimes he got tired, sometimes he got fed up, but he was  _ never _ tired  _ of  _ Ritsu or fed up  _ with _ Ritsu. He wanted Ritsu to understand how much he cared for him. 

Perhaps he could be considered a bad boyfriend in the eyes of some for not doing it this often. He wasn’t the best with words, finding it difficult to put how he really felt into words or putting them into proper action, considering he was nearly always busy in comparison to Ritsu’s lax schedule. But it didn’t mean he didn’t mean it all the same. He wanted him to know how much he cared and cherished Ritsu; how happy even a simple moment of peace just hearing him speak or laugh made the day turn around entirely, or even just a simple “I love you” text did wonders. 

Ritsu always reassured him that he was enough, so it was only right to return the favour tenfold. Even if Ritsu wasn’t as kind as he was, he would still remind him. It was amazing and so heartfelt that he had such a loving, affectionate boyfriend, but he wasn’t naïve to think that it would always be rainbows and sunshine, and he never expected such a thing from his sleepy vampire. He expected Ritsu, whatever that meant. 

Ritsu just quietly nodded. He seemed too tired to even muster some more words, or maybe he was scared of beginning a new cycle of tears. Whatever it was, Mao wasn’t going to force him. He would just let Ritsu do as he needed. He opened his arms wide once more, Ritsu fitting in them perfectly with his hair brushing up against Mao’s chest and snuggling into his arms as they wrapped around him. Ritsu’s arms slithered into a more comfortable position as well, and it didn’t take long for him to fall quietly asleep. 

Mao’s hands gently played with a few strands of Ritsu’s hair, and he let out a soft sigh. He knew that tomorrow, this would either blow over or Ritsu would fall victim to his mind once again, but regardless, he wished they could stay like that forever. Nothing could hurt them, and Ritsu was with him— Ritsu felt at peace. 

Even if the peace didn’t last forever, Mao didn’t mind fighting for Ritsu. With a small kiss on the top of his head, he found himself lulled to sleep slowly himself. 

He loved Ritsu, and as long as he knew that, even if he had to remind him every single day, that was enough for Mao. 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry i kin ritsu if you can tell i don't mean it


End file.
